Asperger's and a first date

I met a man who is handsome, intelligent, single, virtuous and incredibly desirable. And, by some amazing turn of divine intervention, he asked me out. We ended up going to a bar with some mutual friends. The date was my first on several levels. The first after a year of separation from my husband. The first ever in a way as I never really dated anyone but my ex. And the first since I learned I had AS.

My general impression is that the date did not go well. While on my part I found him so irresistible that merely being in his presence was amazing, I feel somewhat certain that my feelings were not returned. In fact, I think that he decided there was little to respect about me.Dating at this stage of my growth is primarily practice. I don't know the rules and I have very little experience. So I feel compelled to analyze the evening to see where I may have run amok.

What I learned....
1) Probably not a good idea to admit to a new guy that you "creeped" on his facebook page and looked at all his pictures and read his profile. While it seems that all young females know this is a common practice and perfectly normal, men seem to be unaware of this trend. As a result, upon learning that you were creeping his page, he may feel shocked and overwhelmed.
2) Going to a really loud bar for a night's adventures can lead to some pitfalls. On the one hand, as it is so loud, you get to be wonderfully close to your date. On the other hand, it may be too soon for that degree of physical contact and he may wish for a bit more space. But upon giving himself more space, conversation becomes impossible. A no win situation.
3) The second pitfall of going to a loud bar is that while it is super wonderful to get to spend so much time with your date; perhaps it is too much time for a new relationship. It may be hard to keep up conversation for such a long period of time --- unless you are wasted and can convince him to dance with you which alas I was not nor did he wish to dance.
4) When your date teases you, it is best not to respond with swear words. The swear words may have been intended as meaningless to you, but they may seem overly harsh to him. Certainly not the best way to win him over.
5) When he mentions that his brother has been in a wonderful relationship for 6 years, it is probably not the best idea to say, "Brutal". He will feel offended.
6) You probably shouldn't emphasize why you and he are not perfectly matched. For example, saying something like: "What twenty-five year old would ever want to date a woman who was married for 8 years, has a child and is six years older than him?"

The problem with AS in this adventure is that I seem to lack a social filter. I say things that other people would be to socially constrained to say or even admit. Add to this my obsessive tendency to always speak the truth and you have a recipe for a disaster.

I am extraordinarily disappointed with the evening. I feel like a fool and that I ruined what might have been a wonderful transitional relationship.

But at least I can celebrate that I had my first date with an amazingly handsome young man and hope that with the next man who comes along, I can continue to learn and hope for better results

Life with GB

"GB are you dressed?"
"Mommmmmmeeeee! I am trying to. You are not using any patience!"
_______________________

"Wow Mom that was AWESOME!" he says after I've just managed to spin the car out into the ditch.

....The next day, as he is climbing into his car seat:

"Mom, you remember when you put the car in the ditch? That was awesome!"

....Second and third day the same as above.

....The fourth day,

"Mom, when you are driving, pull over ok?"

"What do you mean GB?"

"When I am talking to you, pull over ok? Then you won't go in the ditch"