One of the Best Days of my Life

I have never fallen passionately in love before... I met him at a party. I spent one evening with him at a bar. I talked with him on the phone til 2am. I liked him. Alot. I joked with him that he was a drug. As the days ebbed and waned, my desire to be around him would cool. But then I would talk to him on msn or the phone and all I wanted was to be near him. I didn't want the conversation to end. He is intoxicating.

We decided to spend the afternoon together studying. We met at the university. After working for most of the afternoon, we came to my house. And that was the beginning of the best 24 hours of my life.

I remember him watching me cook him dinner. I felt anxious and confused, but he seemed to enjoy it so much. It made me laugh. To make myself feel better, I made him wash the dishes with me. We sat on the couch and talked for hours and we played mastermind. The last game we played, he won by a huge margin. I was astounded at his drastic increase in skill. It turned out he had counted all the pegs so he knew which ones had to be hidden. I couldn't believe his tenacity and I couldn't stop laughing.

We watched Aladdin and Robots. I lay on his lap and held his hand. I listened to him laugh and felt blissfully happy.

At 2am, we slept in my bed. We didn't consummate the relationship. We just lay there together. We didn't even kiss.

In the morning, we talked and he held me in his arms. He stroked my back and my stomach. I nuzzled myself into his chest. I inhaled the scent of his cologne. I had never felt more loved. Time passed, but I had no awareness of it passing. We stayed in bed until 2pm in the afternoon. I felt like I was in some kind of alternate reality. I knew that the real world was out there. Just outside my house. But I was so happy just being our world. I didn't want our world to end. I had no idea what I would feel when it did.

We got up when a desire for food forced our hand. He made lunch and we sat together while he ate. Up until this point, I was in control. I knew that I was blissfully happy. I knew that I wanted him very much. But I was ok with only having his friendship as he feels that is all he has to give. I could wait. He would grieve his past girlfriend and then he would be mine.

But lunch changed all that. One of the hardest parts of my Asperger's is that I can't eat. I hate food. I only eat grains and dairy and I am so sick of it that I rarely derive any pleasure from food at all. This past Christmas was so difficult for me that my eating has been worse than ever before. I have eaten so little these past two weeks that I have lost weight... again.

I tried to eat my crackers and peanut butter. But I just couldn't get much down. Eventually I gave up. He was quite curious about my eating troubles and I had been educating him. So there we sat together. I was frustrated with my eating diffculties. He was taking a break from his own lunch. And he suggested I eat a bite of his pasta. I was ready. I was strong enough. But he gave me the will. I ate 12 pieces of something I had never eaten before. I didn't gag. I didn't hate it. It was better than trying to force the crackers down. And as I ate each new piece, he looked into my eyes and told me I could do it. He rubbed my back. He praised me.

And then I was his. I had falled head over heels in love with him. I have only known him for two weeks. But he made me more vulnerable than I had ever been in my entire life. He gave me a gift no other human had ever been able to give me. I ate.

I love him. And with all my heart, I hope that he comes to love me too.